10 Months

I can’t believe I have almost hit my 10 month mark. It is crazy how fast the time has gone by. Things are getting a little bit better.  I have to take things one day at a time because each day is different of how I feel. I never put in my first post that they left a hole in the back of my head. The Dr. told Ben and my mom that they had to leave a piece of my skull out the size of a quarter. They said the reason why they didn’t put it back in was because in the back of your skull the skull will not fuse back together so the bone would just float there and never grow together. So now I am left with this hole that I was told was the size of a quarter but my mom can stick her whole fist in it. So I would say it is not the size of a quarter. I wonder if I didn’t have the hole in the back of my head if I wouldn’t have so much pain. So if you see me with my hand held up to the back of my head it is because it feels better to put pressure on the hole.  They told me they wanted to wait longer to see what happens before they put a plate over the hole. I am ok with it because I really don’t want another foreign thing in my body. I also have a pretty stiff neck from were they cut down my neck and the hole in my head make it really uncomfortable to move my head.

This is what the shape of my head looks like now. It shows how much bone is really missing. Thank goodness for hair to hide it.

I had a MRI a few months ago and they told me that my brain stem is bent. They told me that this is also another waiting game to see if it will fix itself.  So it has all been a waiting game. That has seemed to be the most frustrating part. I hate not having answers. Things have got much easier. I have been taking care of my kids since January.

Even though I can say this has been one of the hardest thing I have ever went through, I am constantly reminded of how blessed I truly am.  This whole thing could have ended up so much worse. I don’t have cancer. I have heard so many different stories of brain tumors and most are cancer. I feel so lucky and blessed. I just have to get through the pain and I feel so blessed I don’t have to go through chemo on top of it.

My hair has grown back a lot. I wish it would grow faster because I am now in an awkward stage. I can’t really pull it up because I have all the hairs hanging out. I was very lucky though and my hair is thick enough that as long as the wind isn’t blowing you can’t even tell my head was shaved underneath.